Miraculous Peace

I have skipped an update on Lil’Sophie today because thankfully we are home and its been an uneventful day! Yay! She napped lots, ate well, and visited with both sets of grandparents so it was a good day.

So I wanted to write something that has happened to me, which is why this entry lives on my site and not hers. Today is the day before Lil’Sophie’s open heart surgery. I’ve imagined how I would feel for many months now. I’ve cried my eyes out. I’ve begged and pleaded with God to make a miracle that would involve her not needing surgery. I have fretted over this upcoming event for so long. And now it’s Surgery Eve.

Sophie is at risk for bleeding out every single day of her life. Let me just say every day for the last 9 months there is not 1 day that has gone by that I have not felt fear. I’ve prayed to God soooo many times. I’ve asked Him to take away my fears. I’ve openly declared that I’m giving away my fears to Him. I’ve even visualized throwing my fears in His hands. I would remind myself “Cast your fears….. cast your fears…..” but I’m casting. Believe me I’m casting! At one point I even asked God, how do I give my fears to you? They are NOT going away. I’ve prayed for peace, focused on scriptures, sang songs about it. You name it.
And it seems everyone who is a Believer has an opinion on what me (and my husband) should be doing. Anointing oil, holy water, scriptures, healing rooms, demanding and declaring over Sophie, Christian music, hymns, specific prayers – honestly I could go on and on. We have been bombarded with instructions and things we should and should not be doing. To be quite honest it’s overwhelming. Especially since the God I believe in has told me to come to Him and He would give me rest. I’ve worn myself out trying to do all these special things that is apparently what God responds to, instead of a simple prayerful relationship which is what God and I had to begin with.

But this is about our little girl. And my husband and I decided a while back that we would not let our pride get in the way of her healing. So we’ve done everything we’ve been told to do. We’ve repented of all the things that others told us that either we did to cause her birth defects or perhaps our family history was responsible for her being born this way. It’s done. The religious checklist is complete.

And now I would like to get back to my simple life with my Lord Jesus Christ. I’ve always trusted that He was in control. Even in these fears I have NOT doubted it. And a couple of times that I got close to questioning it, within hours He gave me very specific signs that He was paying attention. It is not that I don’t believe in miracles. I do. I believe He’s working in that little girl right now. The issue at hand is that I KNOW deep in my spirit that God will heal her. I’m just not sure which side of Heaven it will be on. My fear is that God will answer ALL OUR prayers of healing and take her to the only place she can be whole. And I selfishly don’t want that. I want her here with me all the days I walk this earth. I’m not expecting that she will be in Jesus arms tomorrow, or even the next day. But if God takes her a month from now, 2 years, 10, 20 years ANY time while I’m alive that is too soon for me. And I think that any parent, no matter how strong your relationship with God is, HAS THAT FEAR. And if you can look me in the eye and tell me that you have absolutely NO FEAR of your child being taken home to Jesus – I will reach out to check your pulse.

Now to the super important stuff!!! As I said, today is Surgery Eve. And today is the 1st day in 9 months that I woke up with NO fear. A miraculous peace has washed over me that has no explanation its origin than straight from the most powerful God. I believe that at this moment so many people are praying for us : family, friends, current coworkers, past coworkers, acquaintances, even strangers. This is NOT how I imagined this day. And it’s because of YOU. All of your prayers, encouragement, and support is overflowing Heaven and washing over me. Thank you so much. I just can’t express it enough. Your prayers are being heard and answered.

I do not know what God has in store for our little girl – but today I rest in peace.

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About Jenny Bagwill

You know those milestone moments in your life where the course you were going completely jolts you into reevaluating all you think or believe? Mine came in 2010 along with a precious baby girl. My healthy pregnancy, produced a baby with many internal defects unveiling themselves after birth like a stack of falling dominos. We lost track of her surgery count once we hit double digits. By the grace of God, our little fighter has survived an open heart surgery as well as a liver transplant along with a myriad of tests, blood work, and medical visits. She’s doing quite well, and we share her journey here: http://www.lilsophie.wordpress.com I hope you take the time to read about our girlie and possibly leave a word of encouragement. My milestone moment (that has continued over the last 2 years), presented many idle hospital hours where I used my time to make hair clips for our little girl who battled to live. It also crossed my path with numerous families in many heartbreaking situations. This is when I decided to use my creativity to do what I can to help others. I try to use my God-given talents to encourage and inspire others which you’ll see me blog about here. I also make a lot of custom pieces to raise awareness of illnesses, syndromes, and diseases that may hit close to home with you. As you’ll see my pieces often contain encouraging words – things hard to say to others in the midst of their dark place. You can view, shop, or place a custom order at here at my JeWeL 4U Etsy Shop - http://www.etsy.com/shop/jewel4u And because our Lil’Sophie has had a liver transplant I always encourage others to consider registering to give the gift of life: http://www.organdonor.gov View all posts by Jenny Bagwill

4 responses to “Miraculous Peace

  • Stacey Christen

    Jenny,
    I know you don’t know me, but Bryce does from the past. I hope that you don’t mind that he shared your blog with me.
    I have to say that I know we haven’t met, but after reading your posts, I feel I already know you. I LOVED your letters about Joy and the puppy’s haircut and laughed with you while my heart was clenching for you at the same time. I also cried with you all the way through today’s post. HARD! I’m not going to even try to say I understand or can relate or any of that other crap. Bottom line is, I can’t. You are very right in the fact that what you are going through right now is my BIGGEST fear! And so, I am terribly afraid for you and Bryce!
    I wish there was something I could do for you or say to you to ease your burden, but I can’t. Also, I won’t try to give you any advice. The only thing I have to offer is my friendship. With that package comes big ears to listen to your troubles. I’m a bit overweight, so I can also offer well padded shoulders to cry on. I’m tall and pretty strong, so I can take it if you need someone to lean on. Being tall means I also come equipped with long arms that I’ve been told give the best hugs in the world, and I give them freely and often. I have large, strong legs that often stand firmly grounded in defense of my friends. I have a strong back that carries many burdens. Finally, I have gentle hands to hold and a big heart I share freely and deeply.
    Along with my prayers, I offer all these things to you in this time of need, and hopefully through the future. I see the potential for a dear friend in you! Remember that my husband, Tom Christen, is there in the hospital on Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays. He is under strict instructions to keep an eye on your family for me! He’ll be around monitoring, but doesn’t want to bother you, tomorrow. Know that our prayers are with you!
    Sincerely,
    Stacey

  • Elizabeth Thomas

    Praise the Lord! His peace. It really is unexplainable.

    “Fear not; for I have redeemed thee, I have called thee by name; thou art mine.

    When thou passest through the waters, I will be with thee; and through the rivers, they shall not overflow thee; when thou walkest through the fire, thou shalt not be burned; neither shall the flame kindle upon thee.

    For I am the Lord thy God, the Holy One of Israel, thy Savior…” (Is. 43:1b-3a)

  • Stacey Christen

    While I’m up and praying, I figured I could put it here as well.
    Dear God,
    First and foremost, I thank you. I thank you for bringing me back into Bryce’s life at this time and through him into Jenny’s. In the past, whether he realizes it or not, Bryce helped me many times in moments of need in many ways, and helped shoulder many burdens. I thank you for bringing him into my life at that time when his friendship was desperately needed. I thank you for bringing me back into his life at this time so that I may help him and Jenny at this time in THEIR lives. I thank you for the lifting of fear in Jenny and for giving her this calm day and hope you have done the same for Bryce this evening. I’ve been up all night and I’m hoping that they were allowed to sleep deeply before this trial today. I thank you if this burden was lifted from their shoulders and transferred to mine for they are so tired.
    First, I pray for Sophie. I pray for a lifting of this burden she has had to carry her entire little life. I pray for a lifting, or at least a lessening of her pain and suffering. She is so tiny and has had such a HUGE cross to bare. I pray that it be lifted, or at least lessened until her next round of surgeries, where she may finally be allowed to set it down.
    Next, I pray for Bryce and Jenny. I pray that their suffering be lifted as well, for they as Sophie’s parents, are suffering every bit as much, if not more than Sophie, watching powerlessly as their daughter suffers. I pray that if the burden can’t be completely lifted at this time, that you provide them with the tools, guidance, and support to keep it at a managable level. I pray that they grow closer and stronger in their relationship through this rough time. I pray that they find strength and support for and from each other and that this time of suffering helps build binds that tie them ever closer together. I pray that you relieve them and lift from them the feelings of guilt that any parent would naturally feel at this time.
    Finally, I pray that you allow me to help lessen their burden in any way I can. I happily choose to walk beside them and offer to take upon my own shoulders any burden I can that it may lessen theirs for I am strong and they are so very weary. I see them buckling under the weight of this incredible cross they have been carrying for so very long now and it pains me. I offer to help take as much weight of that cross from their shoulders and on to my own that they may feel some relief and rebuild their strength.
    I trust that you have a plan and a reason and have faith in you. I pray that this family is given all the strength, guidance, and support they need to make it through this most difficult and painful of trials. I pray that I am given the guidance, tools, and wisdom to play out whatever part it is your will for me to play at this time to the absolute best of my ability.
    Amen.

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